I’m alive…..

Thank god. There were no crazy women commenting on my matching shoes, purse and Ann Taylor skirt and no one tried to jump me for my Smart Trip card or ipod that my wonderful husband bought me so I would stop bitching. So I will end with this…. I am forced to take another 4-day weekend and use my vacation days. I will be spending my time with my babies (two beautiful boxers (pictured) – one which is sound asleep on my leg at this moment - and my man.). Hope everyone has a great weekend and we will try to ride if we can.

Night!
S

...next to Godliness...

I've always been impressed with how clean (most of) the metro stations are, and the metro itself - well, minus the puke-stained carpet and the occasional 40 rolling around. Perfect example: this morning, as I was heading down the first round of escalators at C-house (Courthouse, in case you aren't aware...), I saw a man walking down one escalator cleaning the handrails. No lie. I saw the cleaning products at the bottom of the escalator, sitting on the metal separator - Ajax, Windex, a couple of cloths. At first, I thought he was a homeless man being nice - hey, some of them are really nice, like the guy outside the CVS on Connecticut who always says thank you and God Bless You even if you don't give him any money - but as a turned to gawk (as I've mentioned before, I don't really have much tact) I saw he was wearing the required blue jumpsuit with the Metro insignia. How wonderful - Metro is actually taking a little pride in their escalators. Well, I'll say that and really mean it when I go a day without seeing a "broken" escalator - it's not a ride, people! Jebus...

On a different note, I saw a VERY good-looking boy on the OC (fyi - they're all boys until they prove to me otherwise). He stood right next to me, bumped into me a couple of times, smiled in apology. Aww...he had bootiful blue eyes and a small tuft of white hair on his right sideburn - no, I wasn't committing his looks to memory or anything...but no matter, the boys in my area are too G-town and G-dub - why can't they be REAL, like the boys from Maryland (that one's for you, JJ!!)?!

Ok, speaking of JJ, I have to give my little S a shout - hope she didn't have to gat someone tonight at Addison. She is quite the little G, which is for GANGSTA.

Bye bye from Honky-Town -
B

Soul Train…….AKA........BBB

Now I usually would not knock the BBB because it is one of my modes of transportation to work, however this morning I arrived at the Morgan Boulevard Station 5 minutes later than usual and guess what…..the last damn parking space in the whole station which is about as wide as a crack in the wall was taken by the big ass Suburban that cut me off at the light to get around me. Dumb bitch…I was hot. How she got that monster truck in there, I do not know, but she managed.

I ended up going to Addison Road…..lets just say I will not be working out or happy houring after work today. I will spend my lunch looking for somewhere to purchase mace and brass knuckles and quiet possibly a stun gun. Normally I would not be bothered by parking there but it will be pitch black when I get off the train, that station is not very well lit and I had to park at the top of the parking garage. At least I found a space close to the stairs so I can sprint to my car when I get out of the stairwell. I do not know what it is but this station makes me more nervous than when I was parking at the Legend Nightclub and riding the Mean Green from Naylor Road. I would have to say I am not sure which is more ghetto. One thing is for sure, if you don’t hear from me tomorrow, you will know why.

I am sure I will have more train stories for you later if I make it home alive so stay tuned!

~S~

Lisa Bonet and George Clinton????

My apologies for not posting yesterday. Was a very busy day, even more so than usual since we had a 4-day weekend. The day started with my forgetting where my stupid Smart Trip card was. I knew it was in one of my gazillion coats that I wore Wednesday, but that was 4 days prior – how the hell was I supposed to remember which coat it was that I was wearing?? At any rate, it dawned on me as I was 15 minutes from home that I was wearing the brown coat (I used my fuzzy memory to run through 4 days of outfits – some days more than one outfit, and finally settled on the light pink twin set and plaid Ann Taylor pants that I had worn – being that they were brown and I had brown shoes in this made complete sense). So I get to the metro station and I am now the proud owner of 2 count it ; 2 Smart Trip Cards….Thanks Metro for attempting to hold my car hostage since you will not let me leave the lot unless I have the friggin piece of plastic.

So on to my train experience; all rides were quite pleasant yesterday. I got to see my buddy Alan in the morning and then had the pleasure of sitting next to Lisa Bonet’s look alike. I kid you not – this girl could have been a double on the Cosby Show. The ride from Morgan Boulevard to McPherson Square on the BBB ( I needed fresh air) went exceedingly well. There we no odd smells or strange incidents to report.

The ride home went just as well, probably because I did not feel well and I turned up my ipod, got into my book, and ignored everyone around me. Not until I reached my destination did I remember that I was supposed to be silently observing the actions of metro-goers…oops.

This morning – my George Clinton look alike that I mentioned previously had made his way further down Route 4 and has established residency closer to the way I commute every morning. He was hitchhiking this time, maybe he decided that country life was not for him and wanted to head back to MD’s murder capital – Good Ol’ P.G County – and don’t’ knock it because I was raised there and will put a gat in yo ass…..

Gotta go back to work – since technically that is what I am here to do. LATA!

~S~

Walk the Orange Line, Biatches

Ok, let me just get it out of the way - GO SEE THIS MOVIE. It's got all my favorite things - love, drugs, music, boozin'...ok, maybe just the last 3 things are my faves, but seriously, it's great. I heart Joaquin and Reese <3 <3

I decided to take the 'chro back home, since it was dark after the movie and I'm afraid of the dark. I'm sure this is the only time I will be able to say this, so savor it with me, won't you:
There was nobody on OC (well, maybe not NOBODY, but you know what I mean...). I actually got a seat (pointless, really, since I only had 3 stops to go...lazy-ass...). However, sitting directly across from me was the Queen of the Trailer Park. Seriously. I don't like to make fun or call people names (wait, YES I do!!), but she was straight-up outta the Park. Her eyeliner was smeared all down her cheeks, she had on tapered(!!) jeans and black shoes that appeared to be heels. To make matters worse, she wouldn't stop staring at me. I scare easily (just ask S and JJ - damn "Saw"...), so I was just waiting for her to jump me for my fake Kate and Nine Wests. To my relief, she got off at VA Square, stumbling her way to the escalator. No lie, I watched her. But anyways, maybe she was staring at me because she'd never seen a clean person before, or maybe because I don't look like one of Poison's groupies on the way home from the night before (no offense to Poision - I heart u, Bret!).

So, not the most exciting trip, but gimmie a break, biatches - it's Sunday, what do you expect? Hope you all went to church - catch ya lates!

B

Mystery Smell??????????

Was it just me or was there a mystery smell on the trains and in the stations this morning. Could have just been the train I was on, but it smelled like fuel. Which in turn I (actually my vivid imagination) turned into explosives. Then I started to pick out the suspects and take a careful look at my surroundings (suspicious packages and people that looked nervous and out of place) in case I made it through the blast that was going to blow up the BBB this morning. Anyhow, it made for an interesting ride and now my nose is burning from the “Mysterious Stench”.

I will end the entry with this – I am going to dig out my flute that my mother still has from when I played in elementary school and kill time before work at the top of the escalators playing random (made-up) songs with a hat at my feet. Donations (in the paper form with little heads on it - please) will be accepted. My Starbucks habit is starting to get costly. I could smoke cigarettes for cheaper than a Venti hot water with two teas bags (5 days a week).

Have a Happy Turkey Day everyone. I am sure I will come back with some kind of family related madness that occurred over turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce and *lots of desserts*.

~S~

That's it

I've had it. No more. I speak of apologizing for bumping into my fellow 'chro riders. This morning, I boarded the pack-'em-in-like-sardines-OC, and was pushed, literally, from behind into a small little person on the other side of the train. I said "OMG - I'm sorry!" and kind of gave a "It's the muddaf-ers behind me" shrug. She smirked, looked me up and down, SMIRKED AGAIN (!!), and turned back around. Beeyatch! Excuse me, but I look cute today, and secondly, I said sorry. So, I made it a point to shuffle my Express in her ear the entire commute - I mean, I prolly could've rested the damned thing on top of her head (don't worry, S, that's not a slam to shorties like you - this beeyatch deserves to be hated on), but I decided that would just be too cruel and unusual. Unfortunately, I noticed that my antics were not winning me any points with the Jude Law-lookalike next to me - whatevs, he's probably a busta like Jude anyways... As I got off the train, I tripped (read: I am Clumsy Clara, seriously) right into Hot Guy #2 for the morning - once again, I said "Sorry 'bout that," and this one looked at me like I had just spoken Eskimo, turned and walked away!! Argh!!

So, in conclusion, I will no longer be apologizing for my unintentional offenses - but I will apologize now for not being able to stick to this promise, since my good manners will probably force me to apologize anyway. A simple "It's ok," "No problem," or even a simple nod-in-recognition is all I ask for. But I guess courtesy is foreign in this city, just like the Eskimo language...

I still love you all (despite this...),
B

I heart Alan….(not lierally)

Alan is my VERY FRIENDLY Metro Express newspaper distributor at Morgan Boulevard - where I catch the BBB. He always has my paper folded in half and waiting as he sees me approach, always has a smile on his face and always tells me to have a great day. Alan deserves a raise. I think I will get him a nice warm pair of gloves for Christmas so he can keep his hands toasty and not miss work due to pneumonia from standing outside in the morning. A day without Alan would be terrible. ~~~ S~~~~

It's official...

...I am a dork. I went on my lunch break to get a ticket for the new Harry Potter movie. Luckily for y'all, I took Orange Crush, in hopes of scoring a sweet story for your entertainment (as mentioned by her in an entry earlier today, my partner in crime and I drove to our glorious place of employment today).

First off, Glamour Shots: never understood 'em. However, I seriously thought about asking their poster model, who was on the OC with me. Daaaaaaamn - I've never seen anyone apply so much makeup in one sitting - and I was in a sorority...I was patiently awaiting the application of Aqua Net - I used to live and die by that big beautiful aerosol can - but I was let down. Sitting across the aisle from Glamour Gal was Mr. Fussy - he had that nervous twitch that a lot of guys have of tapping their toe, their leg shaking uncontrollably. This kid took it to a whole new level - his leg was moving as though independent of his body.

On my way back from satisfying my dork gene (those of you who know me will probably say "It's plural, B - GENES"), as I was stepping off the escalator at my stop for work, a man with a briefcase, wearing a suit, stopped at the top of the escalator. Yes. He stopped. Dead stand-still. He was standing in the middle, so I had to tap his shoulder, "Excuse me," to get around him. Now, I've received dirty looks before, but this one would've made Dick Cheney cry - even I was on the verge of tears. He seemed thoroughly annoyed that I had DARED to excuse myself. Jebus...next time I'll just shove my way around you, hopefully knocking that Coach "Man-Bag" out of your hand. Ah, DC men - I LOVE YOU!!

Have a great 3-day week everyone!! (and if you don't have a 3-day week - SUCKS TO BE YOU)

B

Oh yeah.....get ready!

http://wtop.com/index.php?nid=25&sid=627767 - the fun is about to begin.

On Hiatus from the Chro’ since last Wednesday

I am sad, so sad that I actually thought about riding it during lunch for entertainment purposes. I could always “miss the bus” tonight and make someone pick me up at the station. I feel like I have lost a friend - HA!

Ok so not really, but seriously, driving is almost slightly as entertaining as taking the BBB. Especially when you are with your partner in crime and she hates driving. As we made our trek down Pennsylvania Avenue (Rt. 4), we encountered our new place of worship - The Church of Jesus Christ, Inc. Now the sign says we will be celebrating their 75 anniversary (this Sunday) of being a place of worship, although it perplexed me that they would have been “Incorporated” that long. Maybe they needed to snatch up the name before the Church of Jesus Christ, LLC or Corp. stepped to the plate and filed and Articles of Incorporation with DC.

Next we move onto – the Millions More Movement (*Coming Soon*) No actually it was October 15th. Over a month ago. Someone needs to call the Muhammad #4 church and tell them to remove their sign. I do not like to be confused so early in the morning or better yet get my hopes up for something that has already passed.

Third, there was a nice African American gentleman walking on PA. Ave. in S.E. wearing jeans and a jacket and carrying his shiny golf club. First thing that ran through my mind was “I didn’t realize Southeast had country clubs". Maybe there is one there I could afford to join so I could take up golfing.

And last but certainly not least; (I still have to make my way out at lunch to pick up my shoes that decided to lose a heel as I was walking to Connecticut a couple weeks ago – Damn Carlos Santana – stick to guitars pal – your heels snap off) There was my new schizophrenic friend sitting on the steps of a church on 18th Street having a conversation with the stairs. Must have been a good one because he was laughing his ass off. Watch out for this Psych major or I may diagnose you as well.

Back to work…..although I may not be motivated until Wednesday. I cannot wait until Trent posts his celebrity gossip (http://trent.blogspot.com/ ) for the day. So exciting!

S

Muffler vs. Jimmy Choo

So since I figured out how to steal the Internet from the Midas I am sitting at while waiting for my car (more than just a muffler I might add) to be fixed. I am contemplating telling my new mechanic friend that I would much rather buy several pairs of CHOO’s than get the damn car fixed. There are several reasons so here is my pro and con list

PRO
- More BBB blogs, because I will be riding the train more
- My feet love getting presents.
- Shoes are better than an exhaust system pipes and a muffler
- Shoes are pretty, metal is not – unless its platinum.


CON
- How comfortable could a $600 pair of shoes really be? The $200 pair that I own was like walking on glass shards when I wore them.
- I honestly do not need any more shoes. I have a hard enough time getting my two feet to wear the gazillion pair that I own.
- It’s embarrassing to drive around in a car that sounds like your little brothers tricked out Honda Civic.

I am sure I could think of a million more reason to get the shoes instead, however I just had this adult rationalization moment (damnit! I hate when that happens) and decided my CHOO’s will come in due time. I should act responsibility and get the freakin car fixed.


S

get your drink on

let me get a few things out of the way - i enjoy going out with my friends after work, causing a little ruckus, behaving badly. hell, i did it last night! i also enjoy riding the metro after - for some reason, it's just more fun after a few cheap beers - it's almost like a ride!! but i digress...last night, after a few at a downtown bar, a friend and i were riding (wheeeee!) orange crush home - he gets off at vienna, so he had much further to go. anyway, we moved to the middle of the car like good little met-chro riders, but couldn't help overhearing the small group of people behind us, sitting near the door. there were 5 of them - 2 were sitting together, 1 by himself, 1 standing and one girl sitting next to someone very obviously not a part of the group (unless she was the den mother...). for starters, standing stan kept leaning over den mother, no doubt making her uncomfortable. home-chica sitting next to den mama kept making out-of-context comments, like "I am a heterosexual," loud enough for everyone to hear. granted, my tact seems to magically disappear after i've been drinking, so i have no doubt i was openly staring - yet, it seemed the rest of the nice folks on our very full car were staring too, and they couldn't have all been a few beers in (or...could they...). my friend and i could hardly contain our laughter at their obnoxiousness. they said something about clarendon ballroom, so i was relieved that they wouldn't be exiting the train with me - my friend confirmed that half got off in clarendon, the rest a few stops down. hmm - looks like a few couldn't hang, eh? tsk, tsk...

to sum up: i'm all about being drunk in public, so i'm hardly one to criticize. however, just like the shouting into the cell phones, please don't tell the world your business (that goes for you, miss heterosexual). you may be in da club gettin' tipsy, but you can control the volume a tad, can't you? and if not, maybe you should put down the mad dog 20-20 and drink some bartles & james instead...just a suggestion...

happy friday everyone!
B

A wonderful weekend is upon us (or me - HA)……

There will be no fantastic spats of humor from this girl tomorrow. I am using a day to get a muffler for my car, which has become loud and rather embarrassing to drive around. I have put it off way to long. It is screaming for me to get it fixed. So I hope everyone has a great weekend and be sure to fill me in on any fun CHRO’ stories from the weekend.

Lets also remind our counterparts and contributors to not forget to Blog….It is highly unlikely that we can go a day without something exciting happening.

LATA!

S

Welcome to the mobile Andre Chrecky Salon.....

Props to the guy who was such a good sport on the BBB last night. After enduring the pouring rain and gusty wind like the rest of us, he also had the enjoyment of having a female sit down next to him who was having Hair extension issues. She proceeds to fix her extensions until they both arrived at their respected stop - Potomac Avenue. Had it been me, I would have offered to help since she practically had her hair stretched out to the window. This guy was such a good sport about it too; he just kept inching his way closer to the window as she outstretched her hair. This guy deserves a reward

BTW – there is a time and place for everything. Generally, people would do this in the confinement of their own home or in a restroom. No- not here in DC. Anything goes in this town. So do not be surprised when you see some crazy woman giving herself a pedicure. It will be me – utilizing my “Metro Time”.

Out…
S

"walk left, stand right"

ok, so we all get this, i know - but why in god's/allah's/bono's name do u think you're going to make it on the train when you're at the top of the escalator and the metro-lady is already saying "doors closing"??? i had just finished working out, expending all my strength, when some charming young lady came barrelling down the escalator. now, i was standing to the right, due to the aforementioned lack of strength to walk down the escalator, as i should be, but this lovely woman still managed to PLOW into me - no, i'm not exagerrating. if it hadn't been for the moving hand-rail, i would've been made into a processed food of some type by those menacing metal teeth on the edge of the escalator stairs. but, to my complete and waaaaay too obvious satisfaction (insert obnoxious laugh *HERE*), my near-killer didn't make her precious train - BBB, if you were wondering. she shot me quite the dirty look, but that just made me laugh louder. at any rate, as i was boarding orange crush, i looked over and saw her boarding into a different car - SHE DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO GET ON THE BIG BAD BLUE!! ah, biatches ain't sheit but hos and tricks...

your friend,
B

"Please Stand Clear.........."

If you want to get to work on time, do everyone a favor and “please stand clear of the doors, thank you.” It is not a new concept people – we are constantly reminded daily (several times) to do just that. Then you all get pissed off when we are off loaded due to door problems. The solution is simple…..idiots!

S

An Afterthought......

Last Friday (11/11) I had the opportunity of going to the Chophouse for dinner and drinks with some friends. It was fabulous and the food is great. The plan was to go there and then head to a friends house for a party. Needless to say 4 (I think) gin and tonics later we headed to our friends house - where "stiff drinks" (KEYWORD) were being served. Lord only knows how many I drank there (I was thirsty what can I say?). Later I ended up riding the train from Gallery Place to Metro Center then transferring (Yay public transportation - say no to drinking and driving). Ordinarily I would directly take the BBB, however it was very backed up. So wise one (me, of course) decided that we would get home so much faster if we took the ORANGE CRUSH to Stadium Armory (like the BBB was going to run through the OC's in front of him). Anyhow....as I was sitting in Stadium Armory, I began to do the "pee pee dance". I was desperate, I had to go or I was squatting on the tracks (and pray not to be electrocuted by the high voltage track). I decided to take a chance and use my charm to hit up the station manager for a pass into the depths of the WMTA's holes to use their potty. The nice lady kindly allowed me and I will have to say I was rather impressed. Clean (must have done it earlier that evening) and not smelly. After a sign of relief the train finally came..........30 MINUTES LATER...

S

the line of sunshine

i feel sorry for the yellow line. sunshine kinda got the raw end of the deal - the only stops she "owns" are Eisenhower and Huntington - the rest she shares with Big Bad Blue and the Green Machine. i understand the point - to prevent overcrowding on the other lines - but i don't think sunshine gets much credit. she stops at 3 very busy stops: the airport, dreaded metro center AND gallery place. i suppose you could make the same argument for B.B.B., but he gets to cover quite a bit more ground than my gal sunshine. so, if anyone out there is a frequent user of my line o' sunshine, give the home-girl a shout out for me, and tell her i'll make a point to visit any chance i can.

much love,
B

Map of Hell

Metro Playground and Monkey Bars???

So aside from having to push my way on a crowded train (See my blog below - "IT POURED!"). I had to endure a 15 minute ride (slight exaggeration - but that's what it felt like) to L'Enfant Plaza from Farragut West hanging like an ape from the bar that runs across the ceiling of the car. Now mind you, I am 5'1 and that's pushing it. Mr. Dreadlocks felt that he needed the whole bar that runs from floor to ceiling to support himself and his "hair", which left me no choice but to dangle for a little awhile. Takes talent to listen to an ipod read a book and apehang. Maybe I should have just taken the "Red" to the zoo instead of attempting to go home.

On a side note - I drove in today which is almost as bad -except I am in control of the radio, the driving, and the scenery - which was interesting since George Clinton was standing on Rt. 4 waving a bible with one hand and at cars with his other...oh what a morning.

Yours Truly,
S

i heart crazy foreigners

some strange foreign man grabbed my ass at rosslyn just as the doors were closing, so alas! i couldn't escape. when i turned to look at him, he had a big grin on his face. on one hand, i can't complain - that's the most action i've had in over a month. on the other hand...ewww...and i wasn't going to drink tonight - damn you, foreign man! call me?

Lucky day on the CHRO'

=) So far......I am sure my ride home will be hell considering I (i) either was still drunk from last night and have passed out to remember any incidents or (ii) just didn't give a damn (highly unlikely) or (iii) just got lucky like the title said. Anyhow like the saying goes - "when it rains it pours" and I am sure it will be pouring this evening. Will keep you posted on the o' so fun ride on the Big Bad Blue.

S

i heart the met-chro

welcome to our blog! we decided that since we bitch to each other about our metro experiences every day, we might as well share our misery with the rest of you! i will be discussing my trip into our wonderful city from virginia - my partner-in-crime will discuss her (much longer) trek in from merry-land.just so you get an idea of what we're about, here are some general wonderings:-why do people sit on the floor of a train during rush hour? i wanted to kick this teenager's ass last week, and i sooo don't know how to fight...-who's the dude that keeps pushing the bus transfer button, making the tickets spit out EVERYWHERE? trust me, it's not going to spit out a "free met-chro rides for a year" ticket...-why must your ipod/cd player volume be up so loud? earphones are supposed to serve a purpose, not add to the problem...hell, i probably like that song too, but i doubt grandma moses next to me really digs on kanye...well, that's all i wanted to start off with - these things just come to me, especially at night after my 8th bottle of wine...but i digress. why do i continue to take the met-chro if all i do is bitch, you say? because my life would not be near as interesting as i'm sure it is if i sat in traffic on 66 in my car with no a/c